I am having my mind blown...

Yesterday I rolled into Monroe, UT at about 5:30. I had heard about this hostel called Mystic Springs and I thought it sounded interesting but instead of calling first I wanted to test out my theory that “everything always works out exactly as it should” so I left it to chance, trusting that I would get what I needed. After 9 hours of driving, (two of them through hail and fog on a tiny back country highway) I finally submitted to the idea that maybe I was LOST!!! Just ahead, I saw a break in the clouds and blue sky…somehow I knew that was where I was headed. So I followed the sun and sure enough there were the signs for Monroe! After navigating my way through various small towns (utterly distracted by the beauty of the mountains) I finally found Mystic Springs, which is not now, nor has it ever been a hostel. Over a decade ago it was a restaurant. Now it is owned by a man who blows glass, makes music and enjoys his 150+ acres of Utah heaven. On his property are hot springs and acres after acres of beautiful trails. The guy at the desk offered to rent me a cabin, and not having much choice I agreed. For the same price, I had my choice between a brand new cabin with electricity and a balcony and a kitchen or a 10x10 cabin built in 1865 with no electricity and a warning of extreme cold. What the hell, this is my adventure right?
In a hurry to get a run in before the last of the light disappeared, I headed out on the trails. I found myself missing my ex-boyfriend, who would have loved running this place with our dogs and me. I was frustrated that I was alone and didn’t feel safe to continue running by myself in the dark. There was also a part of me that felt this experience was somehow “less” for not having someone to share it with. I made a pact with myself to continue it in the morning and headed back to check out the hot springs. It was so beautiful, the water looked so warm, it was a murky shade of green and smelled so clean. I wanted to get in but was almost paralyzed by fear. What was I so scared of? Being alone? No having anyone to enjoy this with? Worried that some Utah hot spring snake would bite me? Suddenly I realized how tired I am of waiting for others to do the things I really want to do with me. I stripped down to my undies and in the softness of the twilight eased into the sculpted rock pool and let the water do its thing. Still, I had this unrelenting longing to have someone there to share the beauty with - it was taking away from the moment. Suddenly my “inside” voice asked (without judgment), “How would someone else being here make this better? Would it even? Why isn’t my default reaction to just enjoy things by myself?” All of a sudden it was as if I had started a monster in the face and scared it away - my heart swelled up in my chest, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and I relaxed into the water, fully enjoying just being there with me. As “moments” go, it was a very cool one. After that I was going to drive around and find pub to sit in and write when I bumped into Mike (the owner) who insisted that I join him for dinner, we talked, rented a movie and we talked jewellery (he was a silversmith before he bought the resort). As nights go, it was a pretty cool one!

As I got into bed to write in my journal (by candlelight) the wind whistling outside, I thought about the family of nine used to LIVE in the cabin, you could quite literally feel the history in that room. This morning I awoke to brilliant sunshine, went for an amazing walk complete with bunnies, and antelope and a climb up a set of red rocks that was so steep, I was sure I was going to need a rope to get down. Then Mike showed me how to blow glass before I got back on the road and headed for Bryce Canyon (which is beautiful). I arrived in Kanab at about 5:30 local time and checked into the hostel here, (Lucy has been able to bunk with me at all stops along the way so far!) I am going to head over to the local pub to strike up some conversation with other travelers or locals and get some more advice on what to do in the area. Two people have already given me their phone numbers so I can call for advice on where to go (one is a back country ranger) and I have only been here for an hour! Tomorrow: Zion National Park and a jaunt down to Arizona.